What I Learned About Living From Cookie Mueller

Last week, while sitting beside a pool in Lefkada, Greece, on a girls’ holiday, I started reading Walking Through Clear Water in a Pool Painted Black by Cookie Mueller. I picked it up at a time when I felt unusually uncertain about where my life was heading. After one of the most turbulent years I have experienced, I found myself questioning everything: my family, my relationships, my ambitions, and the person I was trying so hard to be.

I realised something uncomfortable about myself while reading this book: how much of my life has been shaped by wanting to be seen. I want to be perceived as successful, as the overachiever, as pretty, as interesting, as someone people talk about and admire. And while those qualities are genuinely part of me, I hope. I started to wonder how much energy I had spent performing a version of myself rather than simply living.

Cookie Mueller’s writing arrived at exactly the right moment.